I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
