tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
