i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
