i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
