I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
