She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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