Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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