when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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