i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
