eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
