you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
