if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
