Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
