At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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