I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
