If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
