i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
