does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
