uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
