I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
