a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
