Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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