Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
