There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
