Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
