He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
