if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
