Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
