So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
