when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
