all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
