I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You are the jesus of drinking
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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