Is it because I queefed?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
