Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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