i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
