Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He kissed a someone with a penis
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
