You really coming over, don't trick.
Can i not drive my cunt home
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
