I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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