hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
