literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
