But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
