i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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