We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
