Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
