What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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