pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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