You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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