Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
