He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We're too hungover to prance.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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