Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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