Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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