one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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