Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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