If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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