hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
