It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Randomize
