trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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