He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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