I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
