Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
