recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize