I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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