Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
