All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
