i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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