i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
