Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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