My pussy is not your playground.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
