a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
