So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
